This week has been a toughy. My Aunt passed away. It was not a surprise. She had been battling aggressive cancer for the last 9 months and lived 3 months longer than predicted. I was very close with my Aunt. She never married or had children and I was like her surrogate daughter. She spend holidays with us. I always sent her mother’s day cards. My kids loved her like a grandmother. She was a huge part of my life.
Sometimes when people die, it is sad, but it doesn’t effect you on a day to day level. You miss the person but your daily life doesn’t change. You know what I mean?
In this case, my daily life will change. Before she was diagnosed we spoke on the phone weekly. Once we knew, we spoke daily. I would call her everyday on my drive to pick up the calves from school. She was my company as I gathered my troops and I will be lonely next week when I drive to get them in silence.
She died on Friday and we drove all day on Saturday to get to my family. Since we have been here, we have been busy with family, funeral, the business side of death. It has been stressful and emotional and many times downright unpleasant. My mom is the only surviving sibling and I am my mother’s only child. The burden is on my mom to handle things and I have become my mother’s personal assistant. I know I need to help. I want to help my mom but honestly I’d rather have a pap smear than deal with this. I am particularly dreading our afternoon excursion to go and start cleaning out my Aunt’s apartment…she was a bit of a hoarder (understatement) and I know they are going to be lots of expletives uttered by my mom (and me) as we work our way through.
Remarkably, I have not veered at all from my low GI diet. I am amazed. I had gained all that weight when I had my tantrum 3 weeks ago. The first week on the low GI diet, I lost 2 pds and then I sort of stopped losing anything. Rationally I knew that was hormonal. I am very effected by hormones and retain a lot of water in the last 2 weeks of the month.
I carried on. I did not get so frustrated that I quit. I did not throw another tantrum. I just kept keeping on. Reminding myself that even if I don’t lose anything, I need to get my blood sugar and cholesterol under control. If I can do those 2 things, I’ll be ahead and I can focus on weight loss later. So I stayed away from sugar and white flour. I focused on veggies and fruits and proteins. “If I can’t grow it or kill it, I can’t eat it” has become my mantra. I need to get healthy so I don’t end up insulin dependent and heavily medicated (and not in a good way) – that is not how I want to live. I ignored the scale and just kept keeping on.
Then a funny thing happened. I got my period and lost 4 pounds overnight. I am now back down 6 pounds. All through the family gatherings and funeral happenings, I have stayed the course. The sweets at the repast looked good but I didn’t long for them the way I had in the past. I knew they would taste good and I definitely would have enjoyed a cookie but I never felt like I HAD TO HAVE a cookie or a brownie or any of the other amazing looking treats that were there. I had chicken and salad…and then some more chicken and salad. I talked with family and friends I hadn’t seen in a while and had more chicken and salad. I drank a lot of coffee (I know not so good from the low GI standpoint but way better than brownies and cookies). I did not have one sweet.
A month ago, I would have used my Aunt’s death as an excuse to stray from the course. I would have said, “I am sad, stressed, emotional, overwhelmed, screw it all, I’m having a cookie.” Only I wouldn’t have had 1 cookie, I would have had many, many cookies. Then I would have felt like crap, which would have led me to just eat more junk which would have made me feel like crap…..you get the picture.
I am very proud of myself this week. Actually, I am very proud of myself for the past 3 weeks. Yay me!!! I can resume my Fit to Be Fridays this week as I have caught up to my original 6 pound loss and am now optimistic I can be down a total of 10 pds by the end of March. And if I don’t lose those 4 pounds? I will just keep on keeping on….