Taking an Unexpected Path

Posted: January 29, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

I started blogging about my weight loss journey thinking that this would be a place for me to track my successes and failures and complain about dieting in general.  My friends and family, and the Bull in particular, are sick of hearing me complain about being fat and my dieting failures so it was time to find a new venue.  This blog is that venue.  I thought I’d be witty, try to make dieting a little more fun, and maybe meet a few kindred spirits.

What I never expected was the realization that I have a true eating disorder.  Sure, there have been times where I uncontrollably eat.  Maybe even times when I eat a grocery carts worth of food in a single sitting.  Yes, this typically happens when I am feeling angry, lonely or hopeless.   Okay, I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight and yet somehow don’t just do it.

After my last post and the comments that followed, I looked up binge eating online and I found the following at http://helpguide.org/mental/binge_eating_disorder.htm:

Behavioral symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

  • Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
  • Rapidly eating large amounts of food
  • Eating even when you’re full
  • Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
  • Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone
  • Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes

Emotional symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

  • Feeling stress or tension that is only relieved by eating
  • Embarrassment over how much you’re eating
  • Feeling numb while bingeing—like you’re not really there or you’re on auto-pilot.
  • Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you eat
  • Feeling guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating
  • Desperation to control weight and eating habits

Every last one of these symptoms apply to me. …EVERY LAST ONE….

It is time that I face the fact that my weight problem has far less to do with my genetics, my motivation or my will power and everything to do with my emotional eating.  I need to face the fact that I have an eating disorder, just as an alcoholic has to face the fact that he or she has a drinking problem.  I do know that the first step to solving any type of addiction is to admit that you have a problem….So here it goes….

My name is Ima Bovine and I am an emotional/binge eater.