Why Will Weight Loss Journey 759 Be Different?Posted: January 5, 2013
This time, my 759th weight loss journey, will be different. I am determined to succeed and for the first time I can remember, I believe that I can. Why is this time different? I am focusing more on my mind than on my body.
I know I have an eating disorder….actually many eating disorders. I am a compulsive eater, I am an emotional eater, I have been bulimic at various and sundry times in my life. Frankly, as far as food is concerned I am one hot mess. That goes for my body image and feelings of self-worth too. Mess, mess, mess.
I am tired of hating my body, of sighing when I look in the mirror. I am sick of hating myself for being weak. I am done beating myself up for failing to be perfect.
I may not be perfect, but you know what? I am A-OK!
My body has done some pretty freaking cool things. For heaven’s sake, this body made human beings ( for this one brief moment, I will drop the Bovine motif) and even birthed one epidural free (not on purpose but that is for another post). This body can walk 29 miles in the Avon walk and can give hugs that can cure just about any injury that befalls a clumsy 6-year-old. This body deserves some appreciation and I am finally starting to realize that.
I have begun A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson. It is more religious than I am normally comfortable but I am going through the book anyway. I need to follow a program that helps me face my mental issues. If looking to a Higher Power can help me work through them, then so be it. I am uncomfortable praying to God but am happy to meditate and focus on the Universe or Higher Spirit. So that is how I am going to approach the prayers that arise throughout the chapters.
As I read through the Introduction and first chapter, I was stuck by the idea that “fear is the source of (my) weight problem.” That idea definitely resonates with me but I don’t know exactly what am I afraid of. That’s okay for now. I am just going to accept that I am afraid and this fear has driven my compulsive unwise eating. The principles that guide the book are as follows (and can be found on page 12 of the book):
“1. Your body itself is completely neutral. it causes nothing; it is completely an effect, not a cause.
2. Poor diet is not the cause of your excess weight, nor is lack of exercise the cause of your excess weight. The cause of your excess weight is in your mind.
3. The cause of your excess weight is fear, which is a place in your mind where love is blocked.
4. Fear expresses itself as subconscious urges, which then express themselves as either excessive and/or unhealthy eating habits and/or resistance to proper exercise. The ultimate effect of this – that is, excess weight – will only be permanently and fundamentally healed when the fear itself is routed out.”
How interesting is this? I blame my body for its bovine tendencies all the time. But if I think about it, my body is simply a bunch of cells, a whole lot of water and all kinds of scientific stuff. The cells don’t care if I eat an apple or a candy bar, they just want me to keep them fed. In fact, the cells would probably prefer the healthy apple to the candy bar. So why does my mind often pick the candy bar instead? I don’t know but I’m willing to try to figure it out.