Not A Happy HerdPosted: February 21, 2012
The past few days I have bee feeling better about my eating issues. Don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of issues but I have gone a few weeks binge free and that feels really good. I think I am on to something with the no dairy trigger food thing. Now, I am ready to get back on track with losing weight and am back on my baby step goals….Drinking my water, working out, tracking food etc.
These past few weeks were very important for me even though I didn’t lose weight. I had to come to terms with being a text book Binge Eater. I keep referring to myself as someone with a compulsive eating disorder but technically that is not the case. I have a Binge Eating Disorder (BED). There actually is a difference between compulsive eating and binge eating disorder which I have learned as I work my way through The Binge Eating & Compulsive Overeating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross, MD, MPH.
I have been grouping them together but they are not the same. Binge Eating Disorder is an actual eating disorder where a bovine eats insanely large amounts of food in short period of time when no one is at home i.e. in private/hiding. Said bovine feels a complete lack of control and a ton of disgust, depression and guilt when the binge is over. It is no fun I assure you. Compulsive eaters tend to eat too much with each meal. It is not characterized by a short period of consuming everything in site in private but rather eating way too much at mealtimes. Sort of like eating Thanksgiving dinner 3 meals a day. Compulsive bovines also feel a great deal of guilt and depression. If you suffer from either type of messed up eating, you probably also suffer from guilt and depression. Loneliness, stress and anxiety are also common amongst us. We are not a happy herd.
I can understand where my stress and anxiety come from. I have 4 calves, work 25 hours/week, money is tight, my marriage is mostly good but there are days…..oh there are days…..I have paid a great deal attention to my feelings these past few weeks and the times that I have really wanted to binge, I have been angry…at a calf, at the Bull, at my mother….I don’t seem to know how to handle anger. I have been very intentional and have avoided my trigger foods so I have managed to avoid a binge but it has not been easy. I need to learn how to express my anger at the person I am mad at and not go into that binge zone where nothing seems to matter and I can turn all my feelings off and just eat and eat and eat….
My working on getting better, fitter, healthier and able to express my anger bovine,