Friends Makin Monday: What Makes You Beautiful


Kenlie from  the fabulous blog All the Weigh hosts a Friends Makin Monday each week.  If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section  at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links too so everyone has the opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 

Fmm: What makes YOU beautiful?

Leave out all of the negative stuff, and concentrate on the beauty that’s within you – seen and unseen.

 I found this question very interesting because I spend so much time focusing on the negative.  I could easily list a million things that make  me unattractive or things I’d like to change.  Forcing myself to sit down for a few minutes and really think about what makes me beautiful was actually really hard exercise.  Here is what I came up with:

I am beautiful because….

I am kind and funny and a fiercely loyal friend.

I will fight a good fight until the bitter end.

My laugh is the infectious kind

Friends laugh with me all the time.

I am a pretty cool bovine chick

My hair is great, wavy and thick.

I have super strong and muscular thighs

and really pretty big blue eyes.

I have beautiful skin, soft as a feather

Even though someday it may be leather.

I am most beautiful when I’m with my Calves and Bull

Because of them my life is full

So… I may have a fairly large caboose

but I can write a poem as well as Dr. Seuss.

 

That turned into something fun….although I’m glad it’s finally done…

sorry, couldn’t help it.

Now tell us what makes you beautful!

M O O,

My Inner Bovine

 

 


No Milk For Me


I have given up dairy.  It has not been that hard for me but every so often something cheesy or creamy is very, very tempting.   I can’t say that it has made a huge difference.  I am not feeling much healthier, weight is not falling off my body, I don’t have some sort of milk free glow.  But nonetheless, this no dairy thing feels right.  I am less bloated and as I said yesterday I have not binged…I have overeaten a few times but that was done at meals with my family…I had an extra serving of something even though I was full.  It’s not great but it is not tragic either.

Yesterday, in my inbox was an email from the Paleo Diet folks about why avoiding dairy is a good idea.  Their reasoning makes a lot of sense.  They explain that animals only  drink milk in infancy.  Likewise hunter/gatherers only drank milk when they were babies.  Their conclusion is that our bodies just weren’t made to consume boatloads of dairy after babyhood.

I don’t know if that is true for everyone but I do think it’s true for me.   So, I am committed to staying dairy free….Now, I need to focus on getting rid of my sugar addiction…..No easy task for this bovine who has quite a sweet tooth.

My happily milk free inner bovine,

 

 


Not A Happy Herd


The past few days I have bee feeling better about my eating issues.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of issues but I have gone a few weeks binge free and that feels really good.  I think I am on to something with the no dairy trigger food thing.  Now, I am ready to get back on track with losing weight and am back on my baby step goals….Drinking my water, working out, tracking food etc.

These past few weeks were very important for me even though I didn’t lose weight.  I had to come to terms with being a text book Binge Eater.  I keep referring to myself as someone with a compulsive eating disorder but technically that is not the case.  I have a Binge Eating Disorder (BED).  There actually is a difference between compulsive eating and binge eating disorder which I have learned as I work my way through The Binge Eating & Compulsive Overeating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross, MD, MPH.

I have been grouping them together but they are not the same.  Binge Eating Disorder is an actual eating disorder where a bovine eats insanely large amounts of food in short period of time when no one is at home i.e. in private/hiding.  Said bovine feels a complete lack of control and a ton of disgust, depression and guilt when the binge is over.  It is no fun I assure you.  Compulsive eaters  tend to eat too much with each meal.  It is not characterized by a short period of consuming everything in site in private but rather eating way too much at mealtimes.  Sort of like eating Thanksgiving dinner 3 meals a day.  Compulsive bovines also feel a great deal of guilt and depression.  If you suffer from either type of messed up eating, you probably also suffer from guilt and depression.  Loneliness, stress and anxiety are also common amongst us.  We are not a happy herd.

I can understand where my stress and anxiety come from.  I have 4 calves, work 25 hours/week, money is tight, my marriage is mostly good but there are days…..oh there are days…..I have paid a great deal attention to my feelings these past few weeks and the times that I have really wanted to binge, I have been angry…at a calf, at the Bull, at my mother….I don’t seem to know how to handle anger.  I have been very intentional and have avoided my trigger foods so I have managed to avoid a binge but it has not been easy.  I need to learn how to express my anger at the person I am mad at and not go into that binge zone where nothing seems to matter and I can turn all my feelings off and just eat and eat and eat….

My working on getting better, fitter, healthier and able to express my anger bovine,

 

 


Ooopsie….


I feel off the  no dairy/no sugar wagon Friday night, had a few bites of dairy and a whole lot of sugar.  We had some friends over for dinner and I just threw caution to the wind.  I didn’t feel like paying attention to every flippin’ bite I put in my mouth and ended up eating waaaaayyyyyy tooooooo much.  Moo.

I don’t want to call it a binge because it didn’t fall into that category of eating everything and anything and going into that mindless food consumption zone.   Instead this was more of  it looks so good, what will one bite hurt….and then another….and then another.    Imagine if you will….We are sitting around talking, desserts are on the table in front of us….I grab a small piece of one cookie ….a corner of a lemon square, …a bite of the cinnamon coffee cake….I should finish the cookie, it looks so sad being broken….the other corner of the lemon square, how bad can that be…if I just eat the nuts on the coffee cake….you see were this is going.

The next thing I knew I had consumed at least a 1000 calories of delicious, sugary crap.  The scale reflected that and I was up 4 pds the next morning…4pds in one day…that’s almost impressive if it wasn’t so pathetic and frustrating.

I was sort of half in half out yesterday.  I stayed away from dairy but had a little sugar….I feel better today, more able to eat healthy.  I am trying to rethink how I categorize food.  It is not good/bad but rather healthy/unhealthy.  Today, I am focusing on healthy and I am confident I can do it…..hooves crossed.

My struggling but trying really hard to be healthy both mentally and physically bovine,


Even With the Flu? Seriously!


I have been fighting the flu for the past few days.  Currently the flu is in the lead but but eventually I will come out the winner.  My throat is sore, I haven’t slept well because I have been coughing so much, and I have been all around miserable…and miserable to be around.  I think the Bull is ready to take his herd to another meadow.  This Bovine is not a good sick person.  I have way too much to do and no time to be lying around on my rump roast.

What amazed me about this past flu is that through it all I was still worried about my weight.  Barely conscious, fever of 103, chills, headache and nausea and I kept wondering how much weight I can lose when I have the flu.  Turns out I can lose 3 pds (which I probably won’t keep off).  Should I eat those crackers or will I gain weight since I haven’t moved?  Jello is great, there are barely any calories in jello, bring on the wiggly jiggly stuff. Chicken broth is another option.  Love that low cal chicken broth!

That makes me sad.  My mind is so focused on losing weight – which I can’t even do on a good day by the way – that even when I feel like I was hit by a truck and death seems like a respite, I am counting calories.  Seriously?

Someday I’d like to just have the flu in peace.  Humph!

Aaaachooooooo,

My Inner Bovine


Trigger Foods


Trigger foods.  Do you have them?  I sure do.

As I read more and more about compulsive and binge eating, I have learned that for many, myself included, there are certain foods that can set someone off on a binge.  Refined sugars, artificial sweeteners and white flour appear to be the biggest culprits but it is different for everyone.

Macaroni and cheese, ice cream, pizza for me are the worst; although I have been known to down unbelievable amounts of cookies and chocolate.  I have thought long and hard about what my food triggers are and have come to the conclusion that it is dairy and sugar.  As a child I was severely lactose intolerant (and was underweight I’d like to add).  I managed to somehow build a tolerance up for milk and can now eat milk products without having severe cramps or having my milk infused meal spew forth from either end.   It is probably noteworthy that I was never fat until I began consuming milk as a young teen, which not coincidentally is when my binge/compulsive eating began.  Is it possible?  Could a Bovine actually be lactose intolerant?

It’s inconceivable yet I can’t help but wonder if this early milk allergy some how effects my current response when I consume a milk product  Does my body’s funky way of processing milk put something in motion that makes continuous eating  inevitable?  I don’t know.  I could be full of manure and milk may have nothing to do with it.  I’ll let you know next week because as of this morning and for one full week I am giving up all dairy and most sugar (I am still not committed enough to give up my Coffeemate nondairy sweetened with sugar creamer in my morning coffee).

So far I have made it through Day 1, dairy and mostly sugar free.  I did not binge at all, was not even tempted. At around 2pm I really had a hankering for something sweet.  I managed to ward it off with an apple and a handful of mixed nuts.  I hope I can do as well tomorrow.  On an emotional level the day was fairly non eventful.  I am certain there is a huge emotional component to my eating as I tend to binge when I am angry or overwhelmed.  I am not quite sure how the trigger foods play into the emotional eating piece.  I suppose I have to figure that out as I go.

For now, I keep reminding myself that I am a work in progress and that I am going to have to keep trying different things until I figure out what works for me.  And I thought I was just going to join Weight Watchers and lose some weight.

My name is Ima Bovine and I am an emotional/binge eater who is a now lactose free Bovine.


I Told the Bull


Do you ever have a time where you build something up in your head to be this giant thing and then you do/say/talk about it and it turns into no big deal.  That is how telling the Bull was.

My books arrived.  He asked me what was in the box.

I said, “I bought myself some books on compulsive eating.  I think I am a compulsive/emotional eater.”

The Bull, “You and most of America.”

Me, “No seriously, I think I have a real problem and I need to start doing something about it.”

The Bull, “Okay, I probably have the same problem.  Let me know what you learn.”

Me, “I will.”

The Bull, “What’s for dinner?”

So there you have it.

We have spoke about it a little since then.  I read him some passages of one of the books that really apply to me.  He laughed with me when I joked about how text book I am.   If I want to pursue therapy, he is good with it.  No matter what, he will help me any way he can.

I am lucky.  He is a good Steed.

My name is Ima Bovine and I am an emotional/binge eater who told the Bull that I’m a mess and he loves me anyway.