I Am My Own Worst Critic

Why is that?  I am really hard on myself.  I tell myself I am a work in progress and that mistakes are okay.  There are days that I even believe it….but other days?  Other days,  I get angry with myself and you know what?  The days that I am mad and unforgiving, the days that I screw up and tell myself I’m an idiot, the days that I feel sad that I am not smarter, prettier, a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend, etc. etc., it is those days that I make really bad food choices, dare I admit that it is those days that I binge….that there is not enough food in the world that can fill me up and I am not gorging on bags of apples…When I’m done eating everything with no nutritional value that I can get my hooves on,  I feel gross and disgusting and unhappy.  Then, I get angry with myself and the cycle starts over.  Any wonder why I am a bovine?

When I can break the cycle, when I can forgive myself, when I believe I am a work in progress and that mistakes happen  (or maybe just on the days when I am perfect :)) I  eat healthy and treat my body with the respect it deserves…

So I guess the key is to figure out how to stay in the forgiving, work in progress place.  Any ideas on how to get to/stay in that place?

Sounds like I need intense therapy doesn’t it?

M O O,

My Inner Bovine


8 Comments on “I Am My Own Worst Critic”

  1. BigMamaT311 says:

    A lot of us have patterns like that. They’re rough… but you’re right. Accepting that mistakes will happen is probably the key (I’ll tell you if that’s true once I manage to do it 😉
    I just keep hoping the stretches between binges will keep getting farther and farther apart.
    Good luck hun.

    • I think you are right…..maybe instead saying to myself “today is the first day of the rest of my life so I will NEVER binge again,” I should say “it has been 14 hours since my last binge…Yay me”…and just keep trying to make it as long as possible. Obviously 14 hours is not something to be excited about but it is accurate :(….. Nonetheless, I think that’s a better approach then me feeling like a failure and that all is lost when I do have a dieting mishap. Perhaps I will acknowledge each successful hour, then day, then possibly week that goes by binge free…perhaps I should add that to my baby step goals….mark off each day that I successfully make it without giving in to emotional eating…I like that! Thanks BigMamaT – you rock!

  2. Yes absolutely! I have been involved in Celebrate Recovery for 4 years and it is exactly that place! I have learned how to forgive myself and why I have a food addiction in the first place. I was able to forgive my dad and others who have hurt me and really been able to trust in God to heal me of this habit. I have also learned how to replace bad habits with good ones and learned what my food triggers are. The best part is that whatever issue that anyone is dealing with can be helped by going to Celebrate Recovery and they are all over the nation. Go to http://www.celebraterecovery.com and find one near you! It was the best decision I could ever do for myself!

  3. I wont pretend I have the answer. I too seem to be programmed to respond to stress/upset by eating. What I’m trying at the moment is to make solid emoitional memories… what do I mean by that?

    When I feel bad and eat chocolate/cake/ice-cream to make myself feel better and it works for all of 10 mins before I feel bad again I stop and acknowledge it, I tell myself – “food didn’t solve your problem/make you feel better”. On days when I work out and feel great at the end of it, I take a second or two to tell myself just that, that “the 30 mins/1 hour was worth it because I feel great and did good”.

    I think blogging / keeping a journal help especially if you look back now and again to remind yourself that on the days you felt bad and binged the food only led to more unhappiness and the days you ate well and took a little bit of exercise you felt good.

    I’m hoping that by doing this I’ll get to the point that I stop myself before I put the chocolate in my mouth because I’ll have reprogrammed myself to know it doesn’t help.

    I guess all we can do is take each day as it comes and try to do good that day. Good luck, we’re all here for you.

    • Thanks so much for your comment. I think you are right about reprogramming our minds and I like your approach. I tried it this morning when I walked the dogs. I walked 3 miles instead of the usual 1 and I felt great and told myself how good it felt. Then I came home and had a WW breakfast sandwich, fought with one of the calves and reached for Special K crackers. I wasn’t really hungry but was munching on the crackers with some laughing cow cheese anyway- both of which are on WW’s but I wasn’t hungry so even eating an apple at that point would have been stupid. After two wedged of cheese and about 150 crackers, I took a breath and was some how able to say to myself if I keep going this is only going to lead to more food that I am really not hungry for and I’m guessing the next thing I grab will not be a WW friendly type of snack. I grabbed a trough of water and remarkably, I stopped eating before I got too out of control and this became a full fledged binge. I have no idea if I can do it again but because of your comment it worked this morning. So a hardy thank you to you! You planted a very helpful seed in this hard head of mine….

      • Great job! Every little step helps! I think having the support of friends that are going through what we go through helps so much! By the way I have to laugh at your blog, so cute how everything you say is related to bovines! It makes my spirits higher.

  4. […] strange common theme. I was not the only one who had a difficult week. Tarable, Simply Madly Me, Ima Bovine….strangers (well, Tara and I see each other every day) living the same week that I was living. […]

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