Be Prepared

I  have decided that 95% of this whole weight loss thing is to be prepared.  As I have harped on a bizillion times, I am a bit worried about the amount of candy I am going to consume tomorrow.  It is not a reach to say I can probably down 50-70 mini chocolates in one sitting.  I didn’t get to my Bovine stature by downing bags of mini carrots.  In an effort to limit the Halloween havoc that typically ensues,  I got on the Weight Watchers website and looked up candy recipes.  And look what I found:

Mini Brownie Candy Bars

Weight Watchers Recipe


24 people rated this recipe
Course: desserts
PointsPlus® Value:    3
Servings:  16
Preparation Time:  10 min
Cooking Time:  30 min
Level of Difficulty:  Easy

These delectable morsels are the perfect after-dinner party treat. Freeze leftovers individually for easy portion control — if there are any!


1 1/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cup(s) unpacked brown sugar, firmly packed
1 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup(s) unsweetened applesauce
2 Tbsp water
2 tsp vanilla extract
4 large egg white(s)
1/3 cup(s) milk chocolate chips


  • Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-inch baking pan with cooking spray.
  • Combine flour, brown sugar and baking powder in a large bowl; mix well. Add applesauce, water, vanilla extract and egg whites; blend well. Spoon batter into pan and smooth top; sprinkle with chocolate chips.
  • Bake until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Cool completely before cutting into 16 pieces.

They sound delicious and are only 3 pts each.  I think that I am going to make a batch to have handy so that I can avoid the Halloween candy.  The thing about candy is this Bovine can’t eat just one piece so I am going to try to  have NO pieces.  Not sure if it is realistic but hopefully if I have these Mini Brownie Candy Bars on hand, I will be able to avoid anything marked  Hershey or Nestle.  I do run the risk of eating all of the Mini Brownie Candy Bars AND 50 pieces of mini chocolates…..stranger things have happened on this farm.  But even stranger would be if I didn’t!

Best of luck to you tomorrow!

M O O,

My Inner Bovine


Success…well, sort of!

I went to my Weight Watchers weigh-in this morning feeling fairly optimistic.  I had been on my own scale this morning so I knew I was at a loss….2pds to be exact.  I must have looked disappointed though when I stepped off the scale because the woman weighing me in gave me a pep talk…”You are losing at just the right rate.  This is a nice steady pace.  You will keep the weight off…” Yada Yada Yada.

I don’t know what I was expecting.  It is her job to be perky and positive, even when the listener has heard it all a thousand times.  It is the Weight Watcher scale’s job to be objective and accurate, even when faced with someone as cute and worthy as I am.  Perhaps I was expecting some sore of weight loss miracle.  Like the Weight Watchers scale was going to give me an extra 5 pd loss because really that’s what I deserve.  I tried hard, exercised regularly, and really, really want to be skinny.

To make matters worse, I have been attending the meetings with my Miraculously Melting neighbor.   She is down 11 pds.  She pisses me off… Moo.

It is not that I  don’t want her to succeed.  Really, I do.  I just want to lose as much weight or, if I have to be honest, maybe even more, than she is.  I am not just a Bovine, I am sort of a bitchy Bovine.

At least I was down, so I won’t complain too much.  I am planning on losing another pound this week despite the Halloween temptations.   Wonder if Miraculous Meltor is tempted by Halloween candy.  Finally,  I know what to do with all of our Halloween candy on Tuesday morning.

M O O,

My Inner Bovine

Thoughts for Halloween Candy

If you can’t tell, I’m very worried about Halloween.  I have only been doing Weight Watchers seriously for a week (my weigh in is tomorrow) and the temptations brought on by all that Halloween candy is going to be way  more than this Bovine can handle.   I would just as soon not bring any of it into the house but I have 4 calves who have been planning their trick or treat route for the past 2 months.  My oldest has set the goal high.  His plan is to hit all 203 houses in our subdivision. I fear for my own personal safety should I tell him that he can’t keep his Halloween candy.  I would be sent to the slaughter house for sure.

Last year, a local dentist was collecting candy in exchange for cash.  He then sent the candy to the troops overseas.  If there is anything that my calves like more than chocolate, it’s cash.  So I was able to convince them to do it.  Actually, I was really proud of them as they were excited to donate the candy to the troops and even gave the cash they received to our church for the homeless.

It was great but I haven’t seen any ads for it this year…Humph.  I guess I could buy the candy from them and donate it somewhere.  Of course, I do run the risk of buying all the candy and then hiding in my garage to eat it.  It’s much safer to find a place for it out of the house….far far away.

I am going to have the Bull take some into work and fatten up his co-workers…after that I am out of ideas.  Do you have any suggestions as to how to avoid over indulging in Halloween candy?  Please don’t give me the Weight Watchers mantra of moderation.  This Bovine is an all or nothing kind of cow.

M O O ,

My Inner Bovine

Seriously…Weight Watchers?

I received an email from Weight Watchers yesterday about surviving Halloween.  Naturally, I immediately clicked on the article because as you can probably guess this super bovine can consume an entire bag of Halloween miniatures in a single bound…they are miniatures after all.   After reading the article I can honestly tell you I am not feeling any better about my impending candy binge.

Here are their suggestions:

#1  “Everything in moderation.” Really? If I could do that I wouldn’t be fat in the first place.

#2  “Keep Count” – That is the worst idea I have heard all day.  Do you know how mortifying it is to see all those little wrappers piled up in front of you?  I suppose that’s the point but seriously who needs that drama?

#3  “Make a smarter choice” – Gee, I wish I had thought of that.  Let’s see Apple, Snickers Bar, Apple, Snickers Bar…..what is a Bovine going to choose?

#4 “Don’t throw in the towel” – I actually like this one because I do need the reminder.  As I mentioned in my last post, I tend to quit when I screw up.  In the immortal words of the beautiful Scarlett O’Hara-  “Tomorrow is another day.”  This should become my Bovine mantra.   I wonder if that would make Ms. Scarlett mad…to know that she is inspiration to a Bovine.

#5 “Rate Your Hunger”  – So hungry only chocolate can fill me up…after all, it’s Halloween.  That was easy.

#6  “Enlist reinforcements” – I’m thinking the calves will gladly eat all their candy before I can get my hooves on it but that will probably lead to all kinds of belly aches which I so can’t deal with and loads of hyper active calves which the Bull most definitely can’t deal with.  So we’re probably better off if I eat the candy….really, I’m taking one for the herd.

Perhaps the Weight Watchers tips for Halloween are not so helpful for me.  Maybe they’ll be more helpful for you.   You can check them out here…..

Patience is Not a Bovine Trait

I think the reason why I consistently fail on diets is because I’m inpatient.  I firmly believe that if I spend my day eating like a bunny rabbit I should be 10 pounds thinner the next day.. well at least 1 pound less.  An ounce…something.  It feels like a failure when I eat like a bird and the scale doesn’t move down or heaven forbid moves up!

I have heard all the reasons for why I shouldn’t weight myself each day but I do it anyway….you see, I’m inpatient.  I want to know how I’m doing.  I need feedback and I need it now.  When it’s negative feedback, I get mad, like a Bull with his balls tied.   Eventually I get mad enough, I eat a gallon of ice cream which does nothing to help me acheive my weightloss goals.

I am trying to be a bit saner this time and am following my friend Jason’s of 52 Weeks, 52 Pounds ( approach to dieting.  I am going to set my goal to one pound a week.  WeightWatchers says the average loss is 2 pds a week.  I’m thinking if I set the bar low, maybe I’ll achieve it.

Surely I can  lose 1 mere pound a week, right?

M O O,

My Inner Bovine


This Fat Must Go

It’s funny.  I really don’t envision myself as fat.  Yes, I am a 5’6 female who currently weighs in at 216 lbs which according to all those charts, classifies me as obese.  Yes, I weighed 60 pounds less 15 years ago when I stepped into my size 8 wedding dress.  Okay, I get muffin top when I wear anything that isn’t stretchy and terrible rashes if my thighs rub together.  My chin hits my clavical. My upper  arms flap in the wind.   I could go on and on.  The signs are there but I refuse to acknowledge them.  If I avoid mirrors or looking at current pictures of myself, I simply envision myself as the cute size 8 bride I was so many years ago.

Since I am great at denying I am fat, you would  think I wouldn’t care.  But you know what, I do.  I hate that all the stylish clothes make me look like I’m trying to stuff myself into a  sausage casing.  I cringe at the thought that I may embarrass my children, The Calves, when I show up at any of their events.  The idea that my husband, The Bull, is still happy to see me naked shocks me.  (The poor guy gets to so infrequently these days, I guess he figures something is better than nothing.)   My back has been killing me possibly due to the 20 extra inches I carry around my waist.  I have had terrible knee trouble over the past year.  My thyroid has stopped working and I am just waiting to hear that I have Type 2 diabetes.   If another doctor tells me all my problems would resolve themselves if I dropped a few pounds I may have to demonstrate just how painful it is to be wall checked by a porker.  Seriously, when you weigh almost as much as a linebacker and are lucky to squeeze into a size 16, carrying a little extra weight has crossed your mind once or twice.

I am always on a diet and yet I am still fat as can be.  It’s like I have an Inner Bovine that I have to feed but that somehow I am not accountable for.  Me, I will only eat lean proteins and vegetables.  Inner Bovine is forcing me to eat that box of oreos.  A huge bowl of mac-n-cheese, not me, but that damn Inner Bovine.  Somehow I need to get Inner Bovine on the same page as me.  Because in the immortal words of Dr. Katz, I need to lose weight.

I forced a neighbor to start coming with me to Weight Watcher meetings.   So we are in this together.  However, to keep me accountable, I am tweeting my progress at @MyInnerBovine if you’re interested.  This blog will be my space to complain.  I am sure The Bull and all my friends are sick to death of me starting and failing on yet another diet, so I am not even going to tell my friends I’m doing it.  I guess I have to tell The Bull, since I have dusted off all my old Weight Watchers cook books and put them back on the cook book shelf but otherwise this is just between you and My Inner Bovine.  SHHHHHHHHHHH!

M O O,

My Inner Bovine


My Inner Bovine – Take Two

This is my second attempt at this blog and at major weight loss this year.  I started blogging about losing weight in July while trying the Four Hour Body Diet.  Apparently, my body needs way more than four hours because the diet did not work for me at all.  The Bull did great on it however and is almost at his goal.  Go figure.

A few weeks ago, I started Weight Watchers with my neighbor.  So far I have lost a few pounds and am liking it well enough.  I still hate dieting.  I still want to do nothing but complain about it which is why I am going to be whining about Weight Watchers from here on out instead of the Four Hour Body Diet.  Same whining, just a different diet to complain about.

Because I am pretty funny and I like what I write most of the time, some of the former posts may be recycled and reused with a Weight Watchers tweek.  Hopefully this won’t bother the 3 readers that I had when I was complaining about the Four Hour Body diet.

So,here I go again….

M O O,

Ima Bovine